An Australian, an Irishman and a Glaswegian are in a bar. They’re staring at another man sitting on his own at a table in the corner. He’s so familiar, and not recognising him is driving them mad. They stare and stare, until suddenly the Irishman twigs:
“My God, it’s Jesus!”
Sure enough, it is Jesus, nursing a pint. Thrilled, they send him over a pint of Guinness, a pint of Fosters and a bottle of Buckfast.
Jesus accepts the drinks, smiles over at the three men, and drinks the pints slowly, one after another. After he’s finished the drinks, Jesus approaches the trio.
He reaches for the hand of the Irishman and shakes it, thanking him for the Guinness.
When he lets go, the Irishman gives a cry of amazement: “My God! The arthritis I’ve had for 30 years is gone. It’s a miracle!”
Jesus then shakes the Aussie’s hand, thanking him for the lager. As he lets go, the man’s eyes widen in shock.
“Strewth mate, the bad back I’ve had all my life is completely gone! It’s a miracle.”
Jesus then approaches the Glaswegian who knocks over a chair and a table in trying to get away from the Son of God.
“What’s wrong my son?” says Jesus.
The Glaswegian shouts, “fu*k off, I’m on disability benefit!”